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Being Alone, and How Simple Things Saved My Life.

CW: Brief talk of suicidal ideation I’ve always been a loner. Sounds cliché, I know, but it’s true. I joke all the time about my introverted ways, laugh at memes about how quiet we are, how we flake out of plans at the last minute, and am sometimes proud of the fact that I can…

Strength from Love: Archie’s Story

When I started learning Tarot, I would scour Pinterest for spreads. I had used the site to collect recipes when I was a vegan, and it now helps me in my Tarot and witchcraft. I have collected recipes for teas, spells, and infusions (the elderberry liqueur was delicious; definitely making that again). Upon my search…

Be Like Water, or Taking the Plunge to Reconnect with Myself

Two nights ago, I drowned. It’s one of my worst fears, to drown in dark water and not knowing what lurks around me as I struggle to break through the surface. I didn’t experience the drowning, though, only dreamed it, but even in the dream I didn’t feel myself dying. There were pictures of me…

Selfish Nature

There is a small nature park in my town that consists of a cluster of trails. It sits just outside the noisy traffic of rush hour and the light rail is nearby to take commuters to and from work. Even though it’s not totally in the wilderness, I enjoy walking these trails from time to…

Creativity is Keeping Me Grounded: The Writer Updates

In my post on December 9, I talked about completing and winning NaNoWriMo 2020, something I never thought I could ever accomplish. The challenge seemed daunting to me because I had never taken on one that huge, and I never fleshed out the idea that I had for my novel. It proved to be quite…

Taking a Risk

I don’t sing in front of a lot of people. I also don’t play my ukulele in public (only my parents and my boyfriend have had that privilege). My therapist always tells me that I should take a risk when I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. Creating something has always been an outlet…

Winning NaNoWriMo and Starting the Next Chapter

I told my therapist last week that I felt proud of myself for the first time in years because I challenged myself and succeeded. I rarely give myself a pat on the back as, like many creatives, I am my own worst critic. I signed up for NaNoWriMo this year because I would have the…

Ma, I’m writin’ a book!

In my last post, I stated how nervous I was about starting a first draft of what will hopefully be a 50,000 word manuscript, and if you would have told me that by near the end of week three of NaNoWriMo that I would have nearly 70 pages written, I would have laughed and taken…

NaNoWriMo Newbie

Every year it comes and I watch from the sidelines. My fellow writers get excited for National Novel Writing Month, AKA NaNoWriMo. It’s an event where you commit to working on your manuscript(s) every single day of November and, if the gods roll the dice just right and the planets align, you will have a…

Thinking Out Loud: Creativity Under the Influence

I’ve decided to start a new series of posts that I’m calling “Thinking Out Loud”. These will be short posts on thoughts and observations that have taken roost in my brain. This is the first of the series. Comments are always welcome. We can think out loud together. CW: drug and alcohol usage I went…

Change is ‘The Way’

(The quotes in this post, unless indicated, are from Zen and the Art of Happiness by Chris Prentiss. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for peace.) “The Universe does not make mistakes.” I have been seeking my place in the Universe for as long as I can remember, from the crowded bleachers at…

Where the hell was I?

The only excuse I have for being absent from this blog is that I have gone through changes (as have all of us), both beneficial and unfavorable, enough to make one sulk and wallow in their own self-pity. Usually that’s my shining moment to write but, months ago, my love for writing had become a…

Taking Credit

My therapist asked me to think about why I don’t give myself credit. Whether I post it on this blog or journal it out, she asked me to examine why I feel the need to bring myself down. What should I take credit for, though? I call myself a writer, yet the projects I’m working…

Seclusion

Journal Entry, 8 May 2020, 10:44am I’ve never been satisfied with my life because I’ve never been good enough for others. T___ died; K___ ignored me; and P____ was never there, and since then, I’ve been afraid of committing because I’m afraid that they’ll suddenly disappear. So, I throw all attachments to the wind; I…

A Canadian Lighthouse Helped Me Find My Safe Space

Safe spaces can take many forms. It can be your favorite chair on the back patio, or the trail you jog on in the afternoons. Maybe it’s your favorite podcast, or the playlist you made for the moments you want to write or read. It can also be a memory that makes you smile, like…

The Monster Above Me

There’s a monster that lives above me. I know what you’re thinking. “There are no such things as monsters!” Well, that’s why I invited you over here. You’ll believe me; you just have to stay with me tonight. I know my place is messy and a bit cramped, but I wanted you to see that…

Four Life Lessons from the Family Beagle

(Content warning: pet death) In 2010, my parents got a beagle puppy and named her Molly. She was playful with a high-pitched yip and a voracious appetite. She had accidents on the carpet and chewed up Mom’s flip flops during her worst teething phase. This pup could get on your last nerve, but the moment…

Stan McShann the Biblical Man

Stan McShann is a Biblical Man,A self-proclaimed pulpiteer.He preaches on corners wherever he can,So that all of humanity can hear. When The Biblical Man waves his Book in the airHe wants to let everyone know,That even though he claims to care,All of us are going Below. The sole proof he has of our lost lotAre…

It’s Okay to Go Outside

I love being outdoors. Ever since I was a kid growing up in the country, I was outside all the time, running laps around a cluster of pine trees or speeding down our dirt road on my bicycle. My childhood was filled with the smell of honeysuckle vines and thorny patches of wild blackberries. Texas…

I avoided horror movies until I had to write about them

I was a ‘fraidy-cat. I hated Halloween and avoided that aisle in the department store whenever the season rolled around. The only horror I could stomach was R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps series even though they would keep me awake. I think I only read them because my classmates were reading them. I still don’t like that…

A not-so-rare mental disorder that is rarely talked about

I was in kindergarten sitting at the back of the class when I started to pull out my eyelashes. I don’t know what made me do it but I knew that it comforted me. On the other hand, I knew that what I was doing was bad, so I became good at hiding it. One…

Liftymandius: A modern ode to the dude at the gym that drops his weights

I met a builder in a musky gym Who said — “Two legs of mid-age muscle Stood at yon Mirrored Wall…none could surpass his strength. Hath travel’d through his years, fraterniz’d with educated fellows, Who were majored of finance, and cheery with jolly drink, The man boasts that his prowess hath never waned; The arms that curl,…

Summer Memories of the Grocery Store

Dad was a public school teacher so we always had summers off together while Mom went to work. The fondest of memories I have of summer was going to Albertson’s with him. We went to the grocery store just about every other day. I think it was more for Dad so he could get out…

Tea: self-care in a cup.

There are many forms of self-care whether it be making art, soaking up a rainbow bath bomb, getting a pedicure, or binge-watching Nailed It! for the third time. But what about just making a cup of tea? Every culture has tea rituals. In China, tea is brewed at weddings. The bride serves the groom’s family,…

Horror Movie Monsters Whose Asses I’m Going to Kick

Chucky When I was six, I saw you on a TV spot for Child’s Play 2 chasing people with a knife. After that, all I could think about for the rest of my childhood was your butt-ugly face and that god-awful outfit. You made my generation wary of their favorite toys. I grew cautious over…

Things that happen when you delete social media

I take public transit to work because parking in downtown Portland is expensive. I always set an early alarm so I can have enough time to take a shower, eat breakfast, pack a lunch, and then get to the train station or bus stop. Sounds like a good morning routine…if that’s how it happened. Instead,…

Trevor

(Content warning: this story contains descriptive body horror.) “Stop poking at it,” she said. “Do you want it to pop?” “Maybe it needs to,” I replied. She huffed. “Not in my car, please.” She rolled down her window for her cigarette smoke. I wrinkled my nose and let go of the hem of my tee.…


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